wonder

by mk zariel

i'm trans, all of that—whisper the lyrics
of unrelenting punk songs & i have to envy the confidence
of some faraway girl's persona, of the bravado
that nobody has besides fictional characters—i lose focus when you ask me if i'm a boy or a girl—i stare
into the endless lights of identity until my eyes
begin to cross. i am held the way you are
when your imagination fails you—i know myself better
when my body breaks toward utopia—and i want to believe
that trans is beautiful, in the way you'd read on a
well-intentioned bumper sticker—and i want to convince myself that i really am not totally unfortunate in gender—
the best of both worlds, and all of that—
or so a cis dude says, trying
to be reassuring.